Junerain, I do believe that we become "better" people throughout all our pain and trials. I am a stronger person because of my abuse. In understanding the "why" it happened is what made me who I am today; a more understanding, caring empathetic person with what a cousin of mine said is "a God-given sense of right and wrong". None of it was my fault. The faulty ones were my biological parents and their parents before them. They in turn were victims of their parents and their environment. It doesn't make it right but it is what it is.

My faith is what has helped me come through all the garbage that was thrown in my way. I've learned that forgiveness frees me up to live in the now and leaving vengance to God is better than anything I could come up with to punish my abusers. I've seen it at work. All I had to do was sit back and watch. While some of this punishment from God was going on, I had the freedom to become whom I was meant to be, to find joy and contentment in my life. Some of my rewards physically came through my sons. One of them felt the freedom and self-assurance that I lacked but I had given him. I even got to help him be a fun loving teenager. He is now a very successful businessman with three offices across the US. The other two also have different traits that I wish I had been able to develop but didn't. Yet, I can see myself in them. What a reward that is!

Twelve years of therapy, my faith and the room to be me here on PC has done wonders. Being here on PC has given me the self-esteem, self-assurance mixed with humility that I never dreamt of having.

Life still isn't always easy. I still deal with an inherent sense of loneliness, I still deal with my depression and anxiety from time to time but the friends I've made here help me dispell those feelings. If they are not available, God is always available to listen to me and to keep me company.

I pray for the very best for you. You'll more than likely get it because you're not afraid to reach out and get help doing it.