Thanks guys. i feel alot better. The emotions have died down. I am back to feeling postive and stuff. It was a definiate set back, but i think i will work it out. I decided that besides a few people here and my Therapists I wont sek outside support any more. Im just not ready. I am not ready for that type of reaction. So I will keep things once again to myself besides you guys and my T's. I learned a lesson from my DR and that was to not trust people with this knowldge because they throw it back in your face. I was getting to confident in my feeling of being not yucky and that people would be supportive and that what I was going through wasnt crazy or psychaitric but a normal reaction to trauma. My T's made me feel safe. I have therapy tomarrow and I will talk to her about it. Im not sure what i think anymore. It really really really really hurt me what the dr did to me. It felt like she kicked the legs out from under me. So I am just kinda still in shock. The crying and anxiety attacks have lessend alot, but the shock is still there. I know that deep down my dr probably didnt mean to do this to me. I am pretty sure she was having a bad day. I also dont think if i was one of her good insurance patients she would have felt so free to do this to me. So there is a lack of trust for me now with her. If she says sorry then I may talk to her about it and get a few thing ironed out. One being that she needs to stop thinking of herself as better then me. She had a good life so far with minor trauma's and she may very well be in the same boat as me if she went through the same things. I also want her to know I wont have the awe of her because she is a Dr. I wont worship the ground she walks on. No way. I am not less of a person because i am me. Considering the rest o fmy siblings i am turning well. One sister was addicted to meth and pot and had two babies who are alcohol and drug effected that i am now raising, she also has been in jail for drug charges allowed her boyfriend to shake her baby and cook meth around her. My other sister is addicted to pain pills and has a kid with FAE and who doesnt live with her that she had convinced him he had cancer which he didnt, and another kid who i am raising nowd and a chronic attention seeker at the ER fakes seizures and being paralized has shoved a nail into her stomach to get attention, has used my med coverage at the ER to get pills. has burnt down her house, and defruaded the government. one of my brothers never talks to the family and he had a relationship with my uncle that was wrong for years that no one stopped he is addicted to pot, my other brother grows pot in his house. My baby sister is dead because my mom drank and did drugs when she was pregnant with her. So i would tell my dr that i am raising three kids I didnt give birth to one with FAS/ one with FAE and many health issues, and one who is 17 years old and not used to having food when he is hungry. I am a nice person. I am doing all this with PTSD and still functioning and expecially when my body is in pain i still have to care for the kids and stuff and I cant just sit and cry. The pain feels like well its to tiggering but its pain. I dont sleep well I have nightmeres but i still function. I have no idea how to be a good mom and I have to work very hard at thinking how to be a mom, and i know I am a good mom. I am starting a program that will be sending build a bear gift cards to kids who have bn kidnapped/and or raped and a letter from me to the kid and th kids parents offering support and encouragement. the first girl to get one is the little girl in Idaho. So i dont just sit on my butt all day and say poor me. So if she cant respect me then she cant be my dr. ((HUG))