Hi all-

This is day 19 of Lexapro 10 mg. I have MDD and GAD. I have been taking ativan 1 mg once a day pretty regularly since the beginning of August. I would say 4-5 times a week, but then I would have stretches of many days where I felt okay without and didn't need it.

From before I stated the Lex, I have had problems staying asleep. I can get to sleep just fine, but I wake up early. And, when I wake up, I'm anxious. It's by far the worst part of the day. I know this is very common with depression. It has continued since starting the Lex. Every morning I will have a debate about whether or not I should take the ativan, and most days I do, though I've had stretches of 2 or 3 days where I felt okay enough not to need to take it. And on those days, I was optimistic that the Lexapro was starting to help "somewhat".

I have never taken more than 1 mg in a 24 hour period, yet I am worried about tolerance. Or that it's somehow making the depression worse. I dunno.

So, I went back to my doc this morning. He thinks that if anything, I'm not taking enough ativan. That I should be taking it a.m., and p.m. before bedtime. He thinks the early waking and early anxiety are simply the SSRI not having kicked in fully yet. Of course, he says, if I happen to wake up normally one morning and *don't* feel anxious, then I wouldn't take one.

Bottom line is that despite my worries, he doesn't think I am addicted.

Funny, I have taken ativan in the past for episodic, acute anxiety and gone off of it no problem, Of course, that was never for more than a couple of weeks at a time. This time around it's different. I probably should have gone on an SSRI much earlier than I did, but, lesson learned, right?

I just really, really want a good night sleep, to wake up at the same time as hubby and kids when the sun is actually up and it's not pitch dark and depressing. Oh, and without any anxiety would be great too.

*SIGH*