For the past few months, I have been using marijuana. Before these past few months, I despised it with every fiber of my being. I do have DID, so I'm adept at breaking off my feelings about something that I have apprehensions about, and I tried it with a close friend.

For a while, I only did it with my close friend, we would joke about how only "potheads" smoke every day, especially they only smoke by themselves, unless they have guests.

I held that notion true until I started getting my own pot.

I couldn't stop myself, I remembered how much of my mental illness just melted away when I was using pot. I know self medicating isn't a good thing to do, from seeing many people in my family and in psychiatric inpatient stays, having things feel okay for themselves, (they like to trick themselves into thinking they feel okay), and things around them in their life gets worse.

I realise all of these things. Now I can't go a day without using. I feel terrible about this. I wish I could stop, but I don't care enough yet.

I think this early declaration is a sign that I want help with it. I need to stop, I need to quit completely, before things take a turn for the worse. (If things, which they could, get worse)

Now my attitude towards people doing drugs isnt as vehemently against it, and I think thats another weakness in my battle to regain mental power over the emotional addiction I have to pot.

Also I want to quit smoking cigarettes, but I've been smoking for over a year now, and I'm now addicted. And its also hard because its worked its habitual ways into all corners of my life. Also I live in a house and family full of smokers.

I feel tired and exhausted. I know I should stop. I just haven't ever dealt with substance issues before the past year, so I don't know where to begin.

Any ideas or comments or support would be deeply appriciated.
I have a hard time keeping my mind set, but I always hold on to the things people say, thats one thing to know about me.