heh. the other night i started talking to my partner while we were waiting to fall asleep. stuff about how i think i have no purpose in life, i don't want to work, i don't know any work that interests me. he asked, maybe you'd just wanna lay in a hammock? nothing wrong with that and i said, sure, that'd be cool for a little while... then i talked about my dog and about how she gets bored because my parents don't take good enough care of her.

and then i said..
- ok, i'm talking crap that couldn't interest anyone, i'ma go to sleep
- it doesn't matter
- it does to me. i don't want to talk to someone who isn't interested in what i say.
- but.... it doesn't annoy me.
- well i don't wanna talk if it isn't interesting. nite.

in the night i decided i would never talk to him again. i would stay silent, never draw the attention to me. never again.

in the morning, i started analysing. all i could hear was the "it doesn't interest me" (that wasn't said) before the "but it doesn't annoy me".

interest. to me, that means interest in me. me, includes what i say, everything that is related to me, my dog, my mother, my father. if i was talking about, for example, my bladder stones (which i don't have yet), and he said he wasn't interested, i'd take it as he isn't interested in me.

don't ask why. i hardly know myself.

for him, interest means interest in a specific thing. my dog, as was the case in the conversation we had. he has seen my dog three times. how could she interest him? and that "but it doesn't annoy me" = that doesn't mean i don't want to hear it

being blind? crazy?

maybe, maybe. BUT at least it doesn't bother me anymore.

twilight