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After 25 years of apparent blissful domestic bliss I recently learned that a close friend had been the victim of regular and sustained sexual sadism
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… happening on a regular basis (monthly) the husband would repeatedly whip her with a belt or another object (whatever was handy). He was tall and well built (over 6'), while she is small and petite (5' nothing). They have three children - all grown up now, one still living at home. He was a successful middle/senior manager and probably type A personality, very dominant and clearly enjoyed total control over his spouse - economically, psychologically and physically. She, most of the time would assume a compliant, submissive role – which was of course exactly what he wanted. Any time she stepped even slightly out of line to displease him she would suffer later that evening in the bedroom. She is no longer at risk but the pathological mental disorder (paraphilia lasting more than 6 months according to my research on the subject) of the father may have implications for the children some with signs of mental health issues.
These acts of violence were in no way consensual so it cannot be confused with SM. I am trying to understand how this long term sustained sadistic behaviour (also classified as domestic violence I suspect) can happen and how the victim is constrained and immobilised within such a relationship – justifying to herself that the rest of the time things were good. But can you really love and resent someone at the same time? I think the psychologists say not? A further concern however is the emotional/psychological impact on the victim’s own well being and mental health after such as sustained period of sexual sadism. This abuse stopped approximately 5 years ago (when they forcibly parted company) and she tells me she is starting to feel herself again. Even though it’s over, I feel very sad and angry that someone so nice has subjected to such a long term ordeal.
Ideally I would like a professional opion on this. Although any advice would be welcome.
Last edited by kimmydawn; Sep 30, 2008 at 08:03 AM.
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