Is it stupid? Yes. But I don't care.

My dog went missing, a dog I've had for 8 years since I was just a kid. He's the perfect dog, literally. House broken, smart as a whip, loved to curl in your lap and lick your face. He never barked unless it was to warn us, never ran away unless it was to chase something in the backyard, loved people and loved whoever was in front of him at the time the most.

And most of all, when I had a terrible horrible no good very bad day - he was always there waiting for me, wagging his tail and smiling. He always seemed to know when I was upset or sad, angry or miserable. He'd hop into my bed and curl beside me, silently comforting me with his unspoken words.

Is it stupid? Yes. But I don't care.

Somehow he got out. Somehow, this time, he didn't make it home. He's been gone since Saturday afternoon, and while I've put an ad in the paper, posted fliers, searched high and low on foot and in car, I just cant seem to find him. I pray that someone took him in and will bring him to the pound, he's microchipped so that should let whoever scans him know that he's someones pet. The problem is, Bingo is such a damn good dog I'm afraid someones just going to keep him.

And I feel so guilty for letting him go. The hurt in my Moms voice when I told her.

And me? When I first knew he was missing, I cried. Once. Maybe twice a real cry. Now? Nothing. I can't do it. If I start I might not be able to stop. Or maybe I can't start at all.

Is it stupid? Yes. But I don't care.

Or, do I? Hell, I don't know cause apparently I just can't seem to muster up anything but anger and frustration toward myself for letting him go. I'm mad that I don't feel anything for his loss. And for that, I want to cut.

Is it stupid? Yes. I wish I cared.