Don't trust husband. Not as far as cheating but as far as not being reliable and it's now killing any feelings (other than evil ones) I have for him.

Examples:

Ike was going to visit our city - no ifs ands or buts but not for three days. I start packing us up to evacuate, well, me and my three small children, look up and he has gone to work. Not one second of help, not a lint ball packed, drop of gas - NOTHING. So, I load everything for my 4 year old and twin 8 month olds.

A few months ago - he just decides he's on a party break and leaves me to do all night and early feedings of the twins. Says the reason he did this was to revolt over me being in a bad mood and all the stress. Agreed, I was in a bad mood, he took a new job, in a diff city, when I was 7 months PG with the twins, left me there with a 3 year old, house on the market, full time job and praying not to go into labor and have to take a 3 year old to delivery with me, then, still have not sold the house when the twins arrive so I'm by myself with three kids (two infants), house on the market, etc for maternity leave. Come to new city and the deal on the hosue he picked out fell through because it was falling apart (the house, not the deal) literally so we lived in a hotel for over a month until I found our rent home and pushed him into moving in. Oh, then I quit my job of 17 years and got a new one SO YES I WAS A LITTLE CRANKY.

Back when my 3 year old was a baby, he had been traveling for weeks and I asked if he would pick my daughter up from school one Friday so I could get my hair done after work. Well, Babysitter calls and he never showed - went to a golf outing and got too drunk to get her so he was driving around trying to sober up while I am burning my scalp and driving like a crazy woman in rush hour traffic on a Friday to get my daughter.

We went through IVF, the day I found out my first round did not work, he went to happy hour and never came home while I sat and cried myself all night. This was after losing all my girl parts (thus Shrekterus) the prior two years. He said it was just too much stress for him.

I'm now at a point where I don't want to kiss and make up, heck, I don't even want to look at him but I do want to learn to have a relationship since I grew up in an abusive home and know I don't know how to do this stuff....... I also want my kids to have a loving, two parent home BUT I HATE HIM. I've read book after book and all give great communication ideas but I can't get past my anger to communicate. I'm hurt and let down and I don't know how to get past it. I am seeing a therapist and was put on Lexapro about a month ago.

Am I dealing with some type of personality disorder other than Peter Pan syndrom?