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Originally Posted by jeNeTeConnaisPas
I really get what you are saying. And thats the biggest reason I want to quit pot.
All the sensations I have when Im high are just intensified versions of how I really think and expirience things. I can't really explain it, I'm always dissociated, so life has always felt like a dream to me. Just, I feel the same while high, only numb, and not kicking myself in the pants for being dissociated.
I guess I only like it because I feel that way because of a drug, and not because of mental illness. If that makes sense.
I'll tell my T the reason I like it, and my own situation around it, and maybe she can help me figure out a way like you said, to stop using pot as a tool to not have to accept a mental state I am always in.
This really helped me get a perspective on things. You kind of hit the nail on the head with the expirences thing. Thank you very much. I will put this perspective to good use.
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You're very welcome. As I continue to investigate my own anxiety, I've come to the same lesson I believe you've already learned: that the worst part of being different or having a "disorder" is not the experience itself but the way you interface with it. If you fight it desperately and shame yourself for being in the state you are, you create much more distress. Meditation for me, as well as drug use, was a way to come to accept the mediocrity or even pain of my present experience without guilt.
Alan Watts, my personal hero, dabbled in drug use in the 60 and used it as a vehicle for mysticism and personal growth (same thing, to me). He later said "When you get the message, hang up the phone." I share that viewpoint.