Quote:
Originally Posted by Edahn
You're very welcome. As I continue to investigate my own anxiety, I've come to the same lesson I believe you've already learned: that the worst part of being different or having a "disorder" is not the experience itself but the way you interface with it. If you fight it desperately and shame yourself for being in the state you are, you create much more distress. Meditation for me, as well as drug use, was a way to come to accept the mediocrity or even pain of my present experience without guilt.
Alan Watts, my personal hero, dabbled in drug use in the 60 and used it as a vehicle for mysticism and personal growth (same thing, to me). He later said "When you get the message, hang up the phone." I share that viewpoint. |
I have some psychosis, so sometimes its hard for me to work through my thoughts, they get disorganized. But when I smoke, it makes it so I can think in a more linear fashion, and come to conclusions about how i really feel and such. You'd think it would do the opposite, but for some reason it helps. But I'm reaching the end of "this is fun" and getting to "this is helping me figure stuff out", and hopefully very soon I'll get to "I don't need to use this anymore".
It's going to take some hard work though, when I get addicted to something, it takes me a while to let go of it. I'm not in physical danger, or putting anyone in danger though, if I was, I would do something drastic to stop. I feel badly about it sometimes, but other times, I just remember that it doesn't make me a bad person, I need as little shame upon myself as possible. I get more delusional sometimes, but for the most part it just slows down my thoughts. I should ask a doctor if there's a medication that will do that.