Never ever EVER give up.

((((((((Steppalee)))))))))))))

I related to a lot of what you've written here. I know what a struggle it can be sometimes, to not be sure where you stand emotionally - not wanting to live, not wanting to die - just wanting to hide in bed and just deny the feelings and ignore them, somehow, any way possible.

But there is hope, many people have been there and many people here can help and listen and support you in helping you find a foothold on life and any problems you might be facing currently.

Do you have anyone at all to talk to IRL (in real life)? I know you want help, but have you found any yet?

Here for you.