(((((((((((((((((( kiya ))))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((( Tulips))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((((((chaotic)))))))))))))))))))))
((((((((((((((((((lauren helene ))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((((meeka)))))))))))))))))))))))
(((((((((((((((((( simcha )))))))))))))))))))))))

Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

I did tell T, and of course, he is NOT going to refer me (like I had feared for some reason) He was concerned,and wanted to know the details- what, how much, etc. But he is still there for me.

I went to AA and told my home group, and they were loving and supportive too.

I think a lot of this is ACCEPTING that I have PTSD. I have been self-medicating in one way or another since I was 18 (at least). I keep thinking "well, if I just TRY HARDER, or DO BETTER, or whatever, then the intrusive thoughts, fear, etc. will just go away". Somehow, in the past couple of days, I'm finally starting to accept that diagnosis, and it makes me feel like maybe I can forgive myself just a little bit. Like....these symptoms aren't my fault. Whoa, it kind of takes my breath away to even type that. It's a hard one to get my brain around.

Anyhow, I do have a prescription, in my own name, for klonopin now. I told the doctor as much as I could, but I was very scared while I was there. I've taken 1/2 of a pill a couple of times since my appointment on Monday morning, and honestly, it really helps. I don't feel like I have to be running, running, running all the time...I feel kind of normal.

Thanks for all of the support, everyone. I PC!