I feel so dead inside... so empty and uncared for.

I have been having real anxiety problems at school, and I've missed a lot of classes. I'm now going to another school, a program for people who can't handle the school system on account of mental health problems.

My mom... constantly reminding me how she bends over backwards for me, and how I'm so ungrateful... wants to know everything about my life... how I'm slipping back into anorexia [I've eaten 300 calories today... and that breakfast and lunch]... she is so emotional all the time... I don't get it. She acts like a girl... and I never wanted to be a girl... never wanted to be weak...

And my father asks "are you having your period"... like that explains anything. He ignores me lately... but I don't really care... because I didn't want to have feelings anyway. Feelings only hurt me... memories hurt me... I don't know what to think. The nightmares have stopped, only to be replaced with flashes of memory that I don't understand.

I JUST WANT THE PAIN AND CONFUSION TO STOP.

I want to stop putting on my mask of content and be who I am...

But I'm dead inside.