Seeking education and understanding on the subject... shows that you truely do care for your friend... it is very difficult for those.. that are not in the situation to comprehend...

If you want an IRL.. experience - you might try contacting Domestic Violence .... support groups in your area.. and they.. can give you.. some very good information... from the "women's" point of view... it is a real eye opener - .and... you might be allowed.. to talk to one of their counselers... and she/he could help... to explain some of the different dynamics that exist...I have given talks to these groups.. and I have helped other women...and... the dynamics... have alot in "common" but are also different.. in situations...

If you want to an IRL understanding of the "man's" point of view.. you might do.. what I did.. I contacted the police department.. and they allowed me.. to talk to the head of the mandatory group counseling unit - when a man is arrested for domestic violence... they are sometimes given the option of this madantory counseling rather than jail..
I also.. with the men's permission... sat in on their group counseling session and asked questions of them.. on the "why"...and the "whatfors"..

and I realize.. that you are questioning just "what" this dynamic was... domestic violence.. or "what"....

the above... might help point you to IRL people that could help...

as well as... resources on the board here...

peace for all... freewill