I'm new to the forum. I need some help to move on in my life.

Two years ago my son was born with birth defects and had emergency surgery one day old. He stayed in intensive care for two weeks before we could take him home. It was an extremely traumatic time in my life and as a result suffered with post natal depression. I could not see it at the time and it took me four months to reach rock bottom before I sought help. I had a very sympathetic health visitor and with discussion with my GP decided to take anti depressants. My husband did try to be sympathetic, but I felt that I was last on his list of priorities. After a few months things seemed to improve and the most valuable thing I did was see a psychatrist for CBT therapy.

Six months later I went on holiday with my husband + family and another couple and their 2 kids. One night my friends husband and I stayed up drinking whilst everyone had gone to bed. He knew I had been suffering from depression and that night I felt a connection (maybe as a result of having someone pay me interest?). We had a (drunken) kiss and although he strongly indicated he wanted more we stopped. (not realising anti-depressants don't work when you drink I had been drinking a lot)

The problem is, it didn't stop there. I craved the attention he gave me and enjoyed the rush of excitment I had when he was near (nostalgia for the feeling I used to have with my husband). We texted each other constantly and met up whenever we could. I never intended to leave my husband, nor he his wife. Our affair lasted a few weeks.

Things ended when my husband found a text on my phone. I knew I had left it there being careless. Had I wanted him to find out? I never had sex with this married man, but I still was unfaithful to my husband.

My therapist felt this man had taken advantage of a situation, but I can't shake the feeling of guilt. My husband and I have worked hard together to rebuild our relationship (he admits he played some part in my actions by paying me little attention).

We moved away to create a new start. All my (mutual) friends turned their back on me and we lost contact. I admit it was a terrible mistake, but I'm left feeling bitter and angry. I want to move on, but I find it hard to forgive myself for what I did.