(((Pachyderm)))

It sounds like you do have some insight -- you are correct!

Children who are raised by narcissists learn that in order to get love, they must forget about their own needs and attend to the needs of the narcissist.
That leaves a pattern of accepting any sort of behavior for validation, which leaves us at the mercy of whomever wants to give us that acceptance.

The solution is to look for the validation within, and remember that you have a choice. As kids we may not have had a choice, but as an adult we absolutely have a choice.

We can exercise our choices in all sorts of little ways -- from speaking up and asking for what we want at a restaurant, to interviewing several doctors before choosing which one to work with.

I would also recommend reading about Shame. It can get in our way and tell us that what we need isn't really *that* important.

Great posts, and evolution of thought, Pachy.
Many positive and supportive thoughts heading your way!