Hi Millie. I see you are also new, so welcome to Psych Central. You bring up two different points and I'll talk about each because I've also dealt with both myself.

First you mentioned about people killed in Iraq, Terri Schrivo and her family, etc. There are definitely a lot of people far worse off than we are. I've thought about all that too. How about somebody who is dying of cancer and wants to live and here I am ready to give my life away. What guilt that brings me and shame. I think, what right do I have even thinking about ending my life when there is somebody else who is clinging to theirs. Yes, big time guilt. But unfortunately, shameful as it is, it's not enough to stop my ideation. I feel so horrible for saying that.

You also mentioned Jesus and your faith. Ok, I've been that route too. I am a Christian so I have the same beliefs as you. And as I already mentioned in a previous reply, it is only by the grace of God that I am living today because there was a time that I was totally obsessed with ending it. But even with feeling very strongly that it is only through God that I am still living, my faith has suffered immensely. Where was God when I was suffering, when I was crying out to Him before I reached the point of acting on it, why did He let me get to that point and stop me in the act and not before that. Where was He? A friend sent me the Footprints Story. I'm sure you are aware of it. I try to cling to that but I don't FEEL it, I don't FEEL Him. I feel abandoned by yet someone else, this time God. So, again, with shame I say it is not enough to deter me from my self-destructiveness.

Sounds pretty sad and sick that those 2 issues won't save me from myself, I know. So, what will it take? I NEED HELP!!! Am I starting to sound hopeless to y'all now too?