John.....

Thanks for your reply to my post. First, it is certainly not sex that I am interested in right now. I really have no desire or interest in one night stands. I need to take a far healthier approach to sexuality.

I did run into an old friend (actually someone I used to date) this past weekend quite by accident. We would up spending time together and I shared everything that is going on with me. She was so incredibly nonjudgemental and supportive. Really took me by surprise. And, admittedly I was a bit angry. I figured is this woman can be this non judgemental and supportive, why couldn't my ex girl friend? But, I know I have to let that go.

I also realize, with the help of this friend.... taht my ex girl friend and I may have been totally incompatible sexually. My ex girl friend seems to think that all men are in it just for the sex. Well, I love physical intimacy, but there needs to be more than that for me. The frustrating part is that my ex girl friend was the best friend I ever had. But, after discussing mey relationship this past weekend it does seem that we were on a different wave length in terms of our sexual wants and desires. She would think nothing of going to bed every night and turning the TV on. It was a comforting thing for her. I wished that some times she would look forward to being intimate with me and have that be her comfort. I used to hate lying there night after night watching the damn TV. I want to be with someone that wants to stay in bed till noon, or make love all night... not very day... but once in a while.

Admittedly I have a very strong libido. And the fact that I was in a relationship where I wasn't having my needs fulfilled drove me to seek that elsewhere. That combined with my depression and stress culminating from my past mistakes.I didn't do it al that often.. but enough to create a problem (once is enough to be a problem).

My old friend that I reconnected with tells me that I shouldn't have to "settle". That is settle for anything less than what would make me completely and totally happy. The weird thing is that physical intimacy should be the easy part. I mean I was more than willing to compromise on this issue. Actually talked a lot about it with her. Just never seemd to get me anywhere though.

I mean in talking with another woman about the situation it was soooo frustrating as she mentioned that the physical intimacy thing should be the easy part. That there should be no big deal about an increased frequency of physical intimacy. Why wouldn't you want to? It relieves stress, makes you feel good and brings two people closer.

So in the final analysis I am more confused than ever as to why my ex girl friend behaved the way she did. I guess I have to open myself up to the possibility that she liked the "comfort" of our relationship but was never really in love with me. That, is amore than a bit tough to take. But, I am trying to work through it. Its just hard caring so much about her yet knowing that she really doesn't care about me.