I also believe you use the best tools or coping techniques that you can (even if they are unhealthy ones) at the time & when you are capable of doing better you will do better. I used to have to close myself up in a closet for hours & hours & just cry & cry to keep myself from overdosing on my meds. I don't have to do that anymore. When the suicidal thoughts come, I'm more able to deal with them rationally.

You are having a "growth spurt" now & are going to learn some great new healthier coping techniques & let the old dysfunctional (self medicationing) ones fall away.

It's not a blame thing. We do the best we can with the tools we have. When we can do better, we will do better. I'm learning new tools in by DBT group & I'm starting to implement them. When the old dysfunctional ways of coping start hurting you enough then you will seek out a way to change, at least in my case.

Sometimes, we need to just look at some of the trauma we have survived & how we are actively searching for healing & a better quality of life & give ourselves a big pat on the back for the great efforts we are doing.

Great going, Earthmama!!--Suzy