missboots, I am sorry about the pain in your marriage.

Do you agree with your T that your H is controlling and verbally abusive?

Have you ever tried to work on improving your marriage through counseling/therapy? Would you want to try that now?

Did you know that when a couple has children, they can separate (and divorce) and still both maintain a substantial presence in their children's lives? From what you wrote, it sounded like you believed the only choices were to stay in the marriage so your H has access to the kids, or to leave him and take the kids and allow him no access. That is not how it works. There are lots of options in between. I am getting divorced, and we have worked out a plan where the two kids spend some time with their father and some time with me (more with me but still significant time with him). They go back and forth between the two homes. It is not bad at all. If you both want to stay part of your kids' lives and you respect that desire from the other person, then you can make it work. A worry would be that if your H is abusive to you, he would be abusive to the kids too. Hopefully that is not the case. Only you know what is going on.

Please keep going to therapy. And maybe try therapy with your H?