im not an expert by any means, but the fact that your husband is 61 immediately caught my attention

i too am verbally abusive to my wife (not pround and trying to change)

the reason I am is I am so insecure about myself that I force my depression onto my wife as I way to cope...I bring her down to my level so I feel better about myself

the fact that you are so much younger than your husband, I'd bet he's very insecure about that....he feels he could lose you to another man (meaning=younger)

hes abusing you to cope

hope this helps