Brian, I agree with your assessment, although not everyone with an age difference between spouses will have some sort of pathology behind it like her husband obviously does. I'm sure that there are many other problems with her husband alongside the ones you mentioned, but the bottom line is he is emotionally (and possibly physically?) abusive toward his wife.

That is never acceptable between any type of relationship, age difference or not. Marriage is an EQUAL PARTNERSHIP. I think she should be concerned about her safety and that of her children's. Her husband's bad judgment, short fuse, and controlling personality are not something that missboots can change through therapy, and I don't think marriage counseling will help at this point. He has to work on himself quite a bit if he is ever to be a suitable husband to anyone.

I also wanted to tell missboots that I do not think that he is a good father to his children as you say he is, and the reason is simple: he is modeling what he wants to be "proper" behavior that your children will no doubt be scared and confused by. They can see, hear, and feel the abuse that he subjects you to, and might even turn to abusive behaviors themselves if you stay with this man. You can be a good father and be divorced too. I don't think that it is love that keeps you in the relationship, but rather insecurities that your husband no doubt picked you as his wife for, as an insecure, unconfident person is easier to control. Abusers love control, and there is no doubt that he is an abusive person.

Ask yourself this missboots: If it were up to you would you allow your daughter to marry a man just like your husband?

I think your therapist is unto something, so don't quit now. You might have the biggest breakthrough of your life.