Dear Friend Mary...I've been in your shoes. I had an affair on my husband about 4 years ago. I agree the hardest part has been forgiving myself. That feeling that came along with the affair was intoxicating....but in the long run bittersweet. We have survived through it and if anything it has made our marraige stronger. My husband was very forgiving and doesn't throw it in my face. Dealing with myself is hard because with my MI I don't have a lot of inner strength. I have had to tell myself that I am better for the painful growth that I went through and have to let myself go on.