|
Oct 02, 2008, 10:51 PM
|
|
|
Mom had a good day today. I think she is feeling a little better each day. She has finally accepted that being on the oxygen not only will make her breathe better and FEEL better, it will get her mobile so she can try to enjoy the rest of her life.
My mother and I have come a long way in resolving our differences through all of this. Yes, we still have our moments, but we are very lucky we have come to a place of forgiveness and understanding and have made the connection I've wanted for so long. She made a lot of bad decisions in her life that affected my life greatly, but the adult me can handle that now. I can look back and see she was just a scared woman with issues doing the best she could.
I don't resent "being stuck" taking care of her like I did four years ago when she moved here. I was still grappling with all our unresolved issues. I don't feel forced anymore. I WANT to do it. I feel connected to my mother in a way I never have before. And as much as I know that is a good thing, the negative voice yells out "big deal--and now she's going to die. And now it will hurt worse."
I wish I could find that place of being thankful for whatever time we've been given. I never seem to find that place.
We are facing this together with love, courage, and diginity and a few laughs thrown in here and there for good measure.
This is HUGE. But very, very, sad.
|