i do have a therapist.
i have had one session with her...
it started well so i am hopeful..

but she is not my friend..

and oh how i long to tell a friend my worries.
for someone who loves me to listen and care....
in the way a friend cares....

because it's different to a therapist...

sometimes i talk to a therapist and i feel so alone...
so alone that i have to pay to talk to someone...
about all my deepest darkest secrests.

for if i tell a friend...i risk them...
becuase no one wants to hear about depression and child abuse for very long....no one can understand that you don't really every get over it..that it will always be there....

why do people just want me to be fixed...

i feel so alone...alone in how i feel...

i don't know if i should tell my friends im struggling???
coz they think im doing so well...
i don't want to dissapoint them...
i don't want them to worry..

i love to see them smile when they think im happy...

it helps..