mtd.... I am so very, very sorry for your pain and for the loss of your relationship. Unfortunately there is a cold, hard reality to relationships when one of the people are struggling with a mental illness that is so very different from suffering from any other type of illness.

The issue, in my opinion, comes into play because often a mental illness causes us to behave in such a way as to hurt or distance a loved one. The loved one begins to see us differently. They begin to wonder who we really are. They wonder if our actions when we are not well are really representative of who we are inside.

These would not be concerns if you were suffering from any other kind of illness. In those instances you would receive just what you need... the love and support that can help make you well. But, you do not receive that support. Instead the relationship often ends leaving you isolated, hurt and lonely which only makes your healing process that much more difficult.

Granted these are only my opinions, based on my own experience which is not that dissimilar to yours. It is so sad and unfortunate that you had to experience this loss. The best thing you can do is to concentrate on yourself, get better ... then try and reach out to someone, hopefully not someone that will judge you and bail out if your symptoms return. You are certainly not "damaged".

I really think that Moonsilk said it best....
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Just as you are. You are certainly not damaged, but sometimes, people without the ability to empathize with the part of yourself that has been abused cannot understand that the part of you hurting does not make up the whole of WHO you are. They can not see past that part to take note of the other parts you choose to share with them.

Thankfully, however, there are people who can both understand and empathize with the part of you that is hurting. Those that will and do, will help you to overcome your insecurities, and your emotional hurdles to help you "feel" whole, not just "be" whole.
"

Many have suggested to me on here that there are people out there with kind and nutruing hearts that will see and focus on the good inside you. I guess the challenge is in finding those people. Tis not an easy task.