Vett...
Your words really struck me about "being intensely loyal" to someone who has rejected you. When my ex-husband said he wanted a divorce and even after he moved out, I had a really hard time NOT being loyal to him, even though I knew he wasn't appreciating it. I felt married - had a hard time accepting that I was single. I felt very guilty dating other people for the first few months, which I realized was completely ridiculous, but my smart head and my dumb heart don't always connect well.

But your last line tells me that you really aren't going to feel better anytime soon... "I refuse to believe that this relationship would not have been great"... hey, if you refuse to believe it then nothing any of us can say or do is going to be of any help to you.

I know you fluctuate between beating yourself up and resenting your ex for giving up on you. But please... I don't think you're being fair to her. It is not easy being in a relationship with someone who is depressed, no matter how much you love that person. Re-read my posts about how scared I am for my own future. You always said that she said she didn't break up with you because of your depression, but rather she couldn't deal with the emotional rollercoaster. Breaking up with you was the right choice for her, because maybe she isn't going to find a relationship with someone who loves her as much as you did, but maybe she just wants stability, not deep passionate love. Maybe, if she had given you a chance, the relationship would have been great for you... but maybe not for her.

Vett, I think you're great and I don't want you to stop posting or to get too upset about my response. I know how much pain you're in -- I felt that pain during my divorce almost 5 years ago. I also thought I would never stop loving my ex-husband. By now, I no longer love him, but the pain is still there. So it will get better, I promise!

Your friend,
LMo

We are ALL going to be a-ok!