Well, I guess it's decision time for me. I'm standing at a MAJOR fork in my road of life. So here I am... standing in the midst of a wretched life situation. No family or friends anywhere around. Living in the wreckage of a broken relationship with an ex that can't seem to get her arse moved out for one reason (excuse?) or another. Questioning the career I've chosen and the reasons for choosing it. And whining about all of it because there's nothing I can do about it. But wait... that's my fear talking. My fear of change. But why fear a change that would only make me happy? Why sit in here in self inflicted misery when I have the power to change it all? I don't have to live here in Michigan. I don't have to put up with the fallout from the ruined relationship. And I certainly don't have to continue a career that just might not be what I want to do for the rest of my life. I guess it's time to cowboy up and take this bull known as life by the horns and mold it into what I want it to be for me. You see, I am where I am today because of decisions that were made a) by someone who was acting on the impulses of bipolar disorder and b) for the good of a relationship. For a relationship... for two people... not just for me. And that's fine except that I'm not in the relationship anymore. When I lost my scholarship, I joined the military and took the best job they had to offer with every intention of leaving it all behind when I got out for college life and the career of my dreams. But then Jenn came along and things were great. Until my illness landed me a discharge and no money. Well, guess I had to stick with the career I had been trained to do. And that meant moving where the job was, in Michigan, so that I could provide for myself and Jenn. Well, it's just me now. I'm not saying that I'm going to run right out and throw my career down the drain, but I'm certainly going to re-evaluate it and how it plays into the new life that has been placed at my feet. The one thing I'm sure of is that I'm miserable here in Michigan and I can't even begin to be happy until I'm back with my family. So first thing's first. I'm putting back every cent I have and when my lease is up (Oct 31) I'm gettin the hell outa Dodge. If I can transfer with my company then great. If not, well, I have an education from the military and 8 years of experience so I'm sure I'll find another job. And if I decide between now and then that this career isn't for me, well hell, I've got $30k between my GI bill and military college fund to pay for school And I can certainly work and go to school, even if it's a BS job that gets me through until I finish school. All of this stuff is still up for evaluation except for the moving part. I'm just freakin sick and tired of wallowing in my misery. No more. I deserve better. And by God I will have better. These decisions aren't one's made out of haste. They're ones I've been racking my brain over for months now and have just made up my mind on. It's not some crazy mania induced impulse. It's what I've wanted all along but have been too afraid make happen. It's not going to be easy because I'll have setbacks and issues with my illness along the way, but I've finally got something to work for... me. Just plain me. I'm still young enough to start over in my career and even if I leave this one behind, I've learned so much along the way that none of it was wasted. I won't always have this positive attitude, but I sure can see the direction I want to start moving in. And when I start to fall, I know that I have so damned many friends here that I can fall on to keep reminding me what it is that I want. Just thought I'd share that. Input? Advise? Comments? Take your best shot...

Ry