(((kiya))) sorry you've been put through that. i've always been terrified of spiders and insects all my life too. tiny bugs are ok.. rather cute too. but the bigger ones... ugh...
ahhh i wanted to say something more but couldn't. sorry - some parts of your story kinda hit home. but don't feel bad about it, i chose to come here and i knew about the trigger. i'm ok but i just can't put what i want to say into proper words. sorry.

twilight
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花鳥風月
c'est tout ce que j'aime