Thank you everyone for your replies. I am so glad I found this web site.
You asked for more about me - well here I go....
I only recently started with the 2nd job and going to school, It has only been about 1
month and my attitude has been like this a lot longer than that. So as a few of you
said that may be contributing to it but it's only the topping on the cake.
I have been like this for so long I don't remember when it started. I do remember
though when I was younger like in JR. high and HS, wanting to go out, and making
plans for the weekends, lately however(maybe 1-2 yrs now) I find myself relieved
when my bf says he is going out with the boys, I am happier to just jet in my pj's and
sit my butt in front on the tv all night. Sometimes I talk myself into getting excited
about going out with some people and tell myself that I will have a good time, but 9
times out of 10 I end up regretting ever going out and wanted to be back at the
house in front of the tv. I don't know what my obsession with tv is. I could watch it
all day. I sometimes think that I watch so much tv because when I watch tv I don't
have to think or worry about my life. I don't know if that it true. I don't know what
to think anymore. someone asked me about my life growing up. I had a good
childhood, my parents were still together I have a sister 2 yrs older than me, we had
a single family home in a nice suburb neighborhood, went to a good school did
pretty well in school. My mom is one of the best moms I know, I have never been
close to my dad- no one really was, we love him but he was the control freak and
"scary" one int he family. There is nothing in my childhood that would be contributing
to my attitude now.
I don't know what is wrong with me. I hate myself for being like this. I try so hard to
control my aggravation and it does not help. Even today at work knowing for sure
that if I am not more pleasant on the phones I will be fired - I still can't help but to
get annoyed att he customers calling in. It is horrible if they don't spit out the info I
need the second I get finished greeting them I get so frustrated and get an attitude.
Thanks for all your time. I am trying to stop this problem before it starts to interrupt
my life anymore than it has already. I am currently on a depression med. I am not
sure of the name - the bottle is at home - my doctor gave it to me after I complained
of being moody. I didn't go into depth about my problem because I know he will
want to to see a professional and I just don't have the time or the money since my
insurance will make me pay out the butt for a psychologist. The med he gave me is
an older one and he told me to take 10mg the first week and then go up to 2 and
maybe 3 so the side effects don't bother me that much. He said he could give me up
to 150mg dosages. I am now taking 3 at night. I have not noticed a difference at
all. I am aware that it may take 3-4 weeks to feel anything and it has only been
about 2 weeks- so I guess I should keep up and see, but I have heard there are so
many new medicines out there so I don't know if taking one of the older med's is the
best way for me to get help. Anyone here have any opinions.
LMO -
You asked as if there is any advise I could give you if you meet someone like me- It
is hard to tell if the person is like you said "generally nasty and just doesn't like
people" or if they are in a position like I am. I am sure there are some people out
there who like being nasty so nothing you can do will change that fact, how to
determine how they feel is near impossible unless you get close enough to them to
talk about it. I am trying to find some advise to tell you, but honestly I don't know if
there is anything you could do. Even though I know I am being nasty and I hate
myself for it, nothing a random person I meet does will change how I feel or how I
am. I drive down he road and if there is a car in the left lane and it is going any less
than 70 mph - I get all huffy and start *****ing. (even though the speed limit is around
50 mph) then when I finally get a chance to pass "this pain the butt who is in my
way" I deliberately give them a look or something, half the time I do this it turns out
to me an elderly man or worse an elderly woman. My 1st reaction is " I am such a
*****, I am probably scaring the crap out of this woman and all because I can't drive
slow" I think about how I would feel if some [censored] was doing this to my mom and
I get so mad at myself but then I convince myself that it is ok cause she is in the left
lane and if you are not going to drive then get the hell into the right lane.
I told you this story to help you understand that no matter how much I feel bad
about my actions or how much I wish I could stop - something inside of me doesn't
let me - so you asked what you could do - nothing really - but it was really nice of
you to think of that.
Thanks again