thank you all. If i could rid my mind of feeling worthless life would be good i thnk. It just always feels like if something takes any efort at all -- even remembering to call-- i am just so not worth it, to anyone. I know stop taking things so personally, maybe theres other reasons, etc. but no, it's me. pachyderm, you'll be sorry--i tend to ramble. I did get good sleep last night, I;m afraid to look outside--we were supposed to have FROST last night! thnks again all