(((ariesmars))) You may not know any reasons to live right now, but they are there. Depression (and other disorders) can block a person's honest view of himself and what life there is beyond where he is now.

What are your reasons for not seeing T in 2 weeks? I'd call and fix that situation right now, if you can. I hope it's up to you, and not a hassle. Even if a parent has to approve it, you can call the T and ask them to set it up.

Being under the "control" of another is always tough, and it's not different when it's a parent while you are still trying to learn how live for yourself.

I doubt you will always be alone. But right now, while you are feeling so poorly, and also trying to sort through things, it's probably good that you don't have an ongoing relationship. Just read in the forums here and you'll see that they are a lot of work, and not just wonderful feeling all the time. It isn't because you are unlovable, btw, because I believe there is probably someone out there for you.

One foot in front of the other. I'm glad you don't really hate yourself. But even if you did, you can change things about your life, and even yourself. TC!