I recently resorted back to some not-so-great coping mechanisms since all the stuff that has been going on with me. I try not to feel ashamed about it; rather I just try to understand why I'm doing it. However, I understand that a lot of bad feelings can come along with stuff like this, especially when you admit it to your T. I think that sometimes we want our T's to think we are better than what they see-- and sometimes we want them to think we are worse. It is interesting how we are afraid to just let them see us as we are. Maybe you are scared that your T is just seeing you, at this time, as you are. I know I have gone both ways (in terms of "better" and "worse"). I am slowly learning to "just be." I hope you are taking good care of yourself. xoxo.