Vett,
Hope you'll stay and post if that helps you.
I am glad you can see things that Lmo is saying about looking at the situation with your ex a little differently. I think she is giving you some wonderful insight and information.

One thing in a post stood out to me. "If not being with me makes her happy and healthy then I have to accept that because I do want what is best for her".

She very well may be suffering a great deal. It isn't often someone walks away from a relationship not hurting. The first emotion expressed when we are hurt is anger. There are alot of other feelings that can be masked or hidden under that. Many people find it easier to stay with the anger and not get down to the real feelings of dissapointment, hurt, fear etc.

She has her issues and you have yours. Maybe it was bad timing, maybe it was never meant to be. Maybe she wasn't strong enough to deal with your issues the way you think she should have. If your relationship was hard on her then she probably realized that it was better for her to go. IIt doesn't mean she wanted to leave you or that she didn't care. Not everyone can be what we want and maybe she doesn't have it in her to fight for something. There are so many reasons that could have caused her to leave.

I understand what you have been saying. On one hand I agree with some things that Kv is saying but at the same time I know that you cared deeply for this woman and whether you caused the damage or it was a lack of commitment on her part or whatever, it will take time to heal and move on. It's hard not to wonder "what if" and "what if I had". You may never get the answers you want. You can only change you, you can only find what you need to do to make you happy.
It will take time. Loss hurts.

I recommend listening to Lmo, she's a smart girl!!!
Heidu


The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.
John Ruskin