((((SeptemberMorn, meander & TJ))))

thanks for all the replies.

meander - i actually started thinking after i read your post.

last night i had a dream of sitting down and my partner came to me, and i looked at him, looked away and looked up at him again, and his face had changed, he looked like this guy whose music i listen to. then suddenly he looked like himself again. i told him, "you're wonderful... did you know that?" and he said "no.." in the dream, though, i also wondered whether i thought him wonderful because he looked like that guy for a moment or because i loved him.

went to read some dream interpretations.. the closest term i got was "transformation" and it said i wanted change. i want change in him? his physical appearance is good enough - i find him very attractive. and he has a splendid character too.

he's not really my second best - he's my dream come true. i should be the one considered "second best" if anyone in this relationship had to be it. there's some things that bother me but i can talk to him about them. i suppose he's just the type who wants it clear and simple. it's not bad... nobody would want to know anyone if everyone thought like me.

the root problem is my attitude - the paranoia, the distrust... my trust was broken at a very early age by my caretakers. so yeah. i should fix that first before entering any relationship, but i got into this before i was aware of the problem.. and neither of us wants to give up - he says he's ready to stick with me through thick & thin. i've just got to believe for now.. -sigh-

thanks for sharing all your experiences and advice. it gives me hope - i hope it does to those anonymous readers too



twilight