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Grrrrr. As I have previously mentioned, I HATE the time of my session (Wednesday mornings, before school).
During the last session, I was very, very sad about my dad. I was crying only because I absolutely could not help it... however, I did not release even a tenth of the things that had the potential to come out during that session. T is aware of this. I told him.
I have left the last three sessions angry (the last three have been my new schedule-sessions). This last one was, by far, the angriest. I started feeling mad right as the session ended. I could feel the anger escalating as he was writing out my receipt. I said to him, "Since I am feeling a certain way, I will verbalize it. I feel like putting a fist through a wall as soon as I get out of here."
T said, "Through a wall, or through me?"
I hate his stupid, jackass interpretations (which are usually right on target, such as this one).
I told him, "I don't know." (Of course I knew. He knew. We both did).
Then he said some stupid crap that I don't even remember.
Then I stood up and put my hand out to demonstrate that I just wanted my receipt. He gave it to me and I turned around and walked out the door.
I hated him for not being able to say anything to make the hurt decrease. I hated him for switching offices, making it so much harder to find a convenient time for sessions. I hated him for not being able to go twice per week anymore. I hated him for not (hahahahaha, he just called me as I was typing this and now I'm laughing)
Anyway, before he had to call and rudely interrupt my list of why I hate him, I was going to say... most of all, I hated him because he is not my dad. And I only want my dad.
I did call him yesterday because things got bad. Then I called again afterwards and asked him if I could see him on Tuesday and Wednesday this week since school is on fall break (that's why he just called-- to tell me I can come in on Tuesday).
So yeah. Apparently I want to spend two days in a row with someone that I hate.
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