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I don't base mine on what I can or can not do, I base mine on how I feel about myself.
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Hun, did you read my post, somewhere, that
feelings are not facts? Self-esteem comes from what you CAN do, something about which you can say "I can do this good!" Remember, it has to be a positive, though.
If someone says something positive about you, accept it and make it yours. Don't argue with the compliment or make excuses to the person that gave you that compliment. Believe it!
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The thing about this is, it's basing self worth on external things...what you can do, and what others might notice about you and compliment about you. Look at the opposite. What if you make a mistake. How does that not affect your sense of self-worth negatively, then? And if someone either fails to compliment you or says something negative, doesn't that also negatively affect your sense of self worth if you are basing it on external factors?
Miss Honeychurch's way of unconditional self-acceptance is an internal point of view. She's saying she loves herself warts and all. Accomplishment or failure. And if you love and accept yourself that way, it does give you the freedom and confidence to just
be . It takes away some of the anxiety regarding what others might think or what the outcome of something might be.
Have you ever loved someone unconditionally? Maybe your child or a spouse? Or your God? Think about how that feels, and how that frees you to just
love them separate from what they do, what they say, whay they believe, or how they act.
Has anyone loved you like that? Ideally, your parents should. This would allow the child growing up to have all the freedom they need to develop and mature without developing neurotic anxiety. Carl Rogers believed this was a big failing in parents (not necessarily their fault) that led to distress and anxiety, and perhaps mental illness as an adult. And it's this unconditional positive regard that many therapists hold towards their clients that is a very healing part of therapy, regardless of what you actually talk about in therapy.
I'm still working on developing self-acceptance, but when I glimpse it, I always feel better.
gg