Griffe,
I may be out of line in saying this, but when I've struggled with the crap, the pain, trying to figure out what is what, etc. - I'm thinking in the "me" - it all revolves around "me" - but here's the kicker - it doesn't revolve around me. When I look inward, what a mess, what a failure... but when I look at my kid, the kid is worth whatever crap I may be feeling or going through. I'm not perfect - far, far from it. I've thought often times that my kid deserved a better mother - but you know what, no matter... I am the mother, period. My kid doesn't want a different mother, wants me. I suspect it's the same with your kiddos - they don't want any body else, they want you, period. It's not "you" with money, job, good looks, etc, etc, etc - it's YOU, their father. No one can replace you, no matter what. You are the ONLY YOU there is - like it or not, it's true. You may feel that you are not worth it... if it helps, break your days down into hours and get through each hour doing the best you can. You might be surprised to find out that you are your own worst critic - others may not see you in the same light you see yourself. For now, take each hour and do your best to get through it. Don't believe the negative crap going on inside - that part isn't worth it. I read in another post a great idea - think of something positive that's happened each hour. I know it may sound silly, but in my house, I'm thankful the toilet didn't run over - it would be one more thing to add to everything else that I don't need right now... so, I'm thankful for a dry floor. Who knows, in another hour it will be something else that is positive. Just please, please be safe, ok?
Einna