Question 1:
"Does depression make you want to break up with those you love?"

I belong to another support group for spouses/significant others of people who are depressed. One of the more active member's ex-boyfriends apparently suffers from depression, and broke up with her about a year and a half ago after a 2-year relationship. She just can't let go, and blame the entire breakup on depression. She calls depression "The Beast" and how "The Beast won" and only until recently, she was going to "fight The Beast and get my relationship back". Her ex-bf has threatened restraining orders against her and has called the cops upon seeing her in a parking lot or thinking she has driven by his house. I have no doubt that she's given him plenty of good reasons to think she is stalking him, although only in a "I miss you" way instead of "I'm going to do something bad to you" way. It's intrusive, nonetheless.

Anyway, this has been going on for two years now (she started in the group before he clearly, definitively SCREAMED at her that he doesn't want to see her again). At the beginning, we were all ultra-supportive. Now, there are a few members who cheer "you go girl" to everything she says, even though it has become clear (to me, anyway) that there is way more to the story than we're hearing.

So, I opened my big mouth as follows:
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Her (directly to me):
there seems to be alot of connection between social anxiety and D....
any knowledge of this???? J and his dad both have social anxiety. dad is diagnosed with D and J will admit to D occasionally (he has to get very down, lonely and scared for him to admit to it).
i guess i'm asking these questions....not because of hopes of getting J back, but with hopes of coming to piece with all of this, so i can move on and know (and know without a doubt), that J and i did not destroy us, but the D. that i did all that i could...and that the rest was up to him. i guess i am seeking some answers that i will never get...but you have given me some good "food for thought" and appreciate it.
i need to accept this...not just that J is gone..but accept that there is such a horrible illness out there that destroys love. i always thought...when i 1st came here...that everyone would conquer this and live happily ever after. i've seen to many families and way to many friends lose their loved ones to this illness. i guess an issue that i have never dealt with is...is the fact that i have to accept this....accept the fact that love will not and can not fight the beast. and that in most cases.....we all lose the one we love.
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Me:
Question for you: why is so important to you that you want D to be the blame for your breakup? Honestly, it doesn't seem like D to me. Not to be harsh, but he just sounds like he lost interest and eventually got turned off by your neediness. I feel like you are grasping at straws with the D reasons. I mean, you could take almost anybody's moods and apply the D symptoms. I truly think you are looking to blame D so that you don't have to take his rejection personally, and while I hope you do whatever is the most soothing for you, at the same time it's not healthy to avoid facing the reality.
I could be very wrong -- I don't know you ALL that well, despite being on the same board with you for what, 2 years now? And I don't know him at all. But, I am getting this feeling (and others have told you similar things) just based on your side of the story. Normally, it's easy to side with the person you're hearing the story from, but a lot of things just don't add up in J's case.
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Well, I did expect that she would be upset at it, but really, I did feel like I would have done her a disservice to say "yes yes, you hit it on the head, he broke up with you because he was depressed". Because... I really don't feel that way. My husband was paralyzed with depression for months, and he never suggested leaving me. In fact, only in rare cases HERE does anyone even mention their significant others. But the fact is, on the other forum, about half of the people there seem to get the "I'm not sure if I love you anymore" and BAM! They blame it on "The Beast" -- not because their partners merely had a change of heart.

Question 2:
What should I do if I see a friend rattle on and on and on about how depression ruined a perfectly good relationship, and I don't believe it is depression? Should I:
A) do as I always do and "set the world straight", which tends to hurt people, sometimes badly?
B) keep my mouth shut?

Thanks Friends,
LMo