I am new here and it is strange I came across your thread before any other, as I am also in recovery as an ex speedball user.

I will pray for you Greg, as I know exactly what you are feeling right now.
I see this thread was posted yesterday and I hope you are doing well.
if you need someone to talk to, do not hesitate to message me, I am here.
one thing that has always helped me was knowing there was someone there
and who understands the nature of my specific drug of choice.

my best advice for the moment is this, remember your drug using days.
remember the lows and only the lows, but know that you are better than that now.. and don't tell yourself otherwise.
keep in mind that any time you go back, its worse than before.
and will only make your recovery and personal issues that much more difficult.