(((((Tulip)))))
Maybe you should try not to think about forgiving - it will come in time when you are ready. I think it is not something that can be forced.
You did not deserve to be hurt. You need time to heal.

I wish I could be angry. Everyone tells me to be angry, but it seems like it is nowhere in me. Instead I am depressed, which is 'anger toward inward'????
Maybe if I could be angry with the person, I would be less depressed and angry with myself.

Try not to judge yourself for your feelings. It sounds like a complicated siutation. Your feelings about your father don't make you a good or bad person.....they are just your feelings.

Sending caring thoughts to you today, and hugs,
ktgirl