Quote:
Originally Posted by earthmama
She was telling me all of the things to do if she dies - It so reminds me of when I was growing up and she was constantly threatening suicide, and telling me (a child) how to handle everything after she was gone.
And there is all of this guilt tied in to it. Because she was one of my abusers, the thought of her being gone was....appealing, and I feel really guilty for that.
And I feel guilty for not wanting to drive her to her procedure this morning.
So, I'm just triggered into all of this fear and guilt.
I've had a really good week...to the point where I actually thought "whew! I'm all better!" and being triggered is really really upsetting me.
I feel guilty for posting on a board where I can't provide support to others, and that's creating another whole set of triggers and bad feelings - fear of not being liked, fear of asking for too much, etc.
|
EM
, I am sorry that you are distressed! So this took you right back to when you were a child and all of the fear is coming back. I can understand that. I am sorry. You aren't that child anymore, though. Keep reminding yourself of that. You are an intelligent woman who is figuring out a lot of this stuff and getting better so you will master this one too.
Getting better and then realizing that there is another thing to fix... Oh, do I remember that. I actually got to the point, however, where I looked forward to these things coming up because then I could fix another thing and unload the cart even more. I understand how awful it is to not feel safe though.....
Guilt, did you have a lot of it while growing up? Is your guilt tied to meeting your needs?