I found out my wife had cheated on me back in July. I am in the military and was away from her. I had been suspicious of her having an affair since January and confirmed it in July. I left for Japan in June and got the evidence I needed in July. We were going to get divorced but after seeing each other we wanted to make things work. We saw a counselor and he diagnosed her with depression, post grief from her fathers death, and PTSD from former bfs that were abusive (mental, emotional and at least one was physical).
Once she learned she had depression, she thought she could not work on herself and be in a marriage. I assured her she could bc her older sister was diagnosed with depression and she is still happily married. She is continuing to see her therapist and also going to EMDR sessions.
When I got back to Japan my unit still had alot of training to catch up on and the situation with her of course was on my mind. I did the young stupid thing and drank heavily. I would then call her and either she would say something to upset me or I would say something that upset her and then it became an emotional slugfest. I then started to see a counselor on base and after about 2 weeks, I realized that with what was on my plate, I shouldnt be drinking, much less drinking and calling her. So I have vowed to not take a sip of alcohol until this matter is resolved. But the damage was done.
After I quit drinking, I tried to assure her that I was not going to yell anymore and that I wanted to move forward. She said she still wanted to write me in Iraq and we were going to see where we stood when I got back from Iraq.
I am currently deployed in the wonderful sandbox and I write her alot, try to call as much as possible and chat on messenger/instant messages. I have not gotten a letter from her but I've talked to her on the phone a few times, chatted on yahoo and such. But, when I talk to her about her about me coming home and seeing her, going to the beach with her and just plans that we had before i learned of the affair, she changes the subject. I do not get feedback from her when I mention us. We have small talk sessions about her day and such but whenever I start to talk serious, she doesnt want to talk about it. I think one time she said something about she does not want to get her hopes up. I have promised her I will go to counseling everyday with her and I will not bring up her mistakes in the marriage when we get into a fight down the road.
I also asked her how she was going to make a big decision about staying with me or us going our seperate ways in such a small time (I will only be home after deployment for 2 weeks maybe 3). She responded with something to the effect of "I am seeking out other options", yet she claims she is not dating anybody and she is working on herself and the marriage.
I have researched her conditions since I left home the last time and I have learned alot. I realize the mistakes I made with her since she has depression and PTSD. I have called her every chance I get and I do not get mad at her or yell at her for about a month now. When I asked her about the marriage and I come on she responded with "If we stay together, we stay together, if we dont, we dont". She claims she wants the marriage to work and everything but from some of her statements and the fact she doesnt respond to my ideas of vacation, or starting a family with her, or anything positive that I have mentioned about us down the road.

Why am I getting mixed signals from her? She gets very angry and upset at me when I think she isnt working on the marriage. What do I do??