I struggle with this and go through fits of anger, sadness, guilt, shame & everything in between. Often all at once. I too feel like I can't live if my parents are on the same planet, so I totally understand your it's me or him philosophy. People always talk about forgiving, but I don't know how and don't want to really. Besides, aren't you supposed to receive an apology first before you can forgive someone? For me, I think it's impossible to forgive for all that pain, damage & grief. It's unbearable. I was just pondering the other day how I could make myself invisible to my parents so they'd never know I still existed. I was glad to see your post & that I'm not the only one struggling with these awful feelings.