Ahhhhhhhhh, how much I love all of you and the hugs I get......ty very much. I did get a modem, so I will be here.......yippppeeee!!

I went to my surgeon for my check-up and he took xrays. The damage to my left leg may be caused by one of the screws/bolts in my back being too long and pressing on the nerve.........I have to have a CT scan and a myleogram (?) on the 30th. If that is the problem, guess what????? You guessed it - SURGERY ONE MORE TIME. He has to take out that bolt and replace it with a shorter one before more damage is done to my leg [sigh]. Can I ever have peace??

Then I went to see my T and I started crying - told him I felt that he was shoving me off to the side and that I felt there was a wall between us - that he isn't "there" for me anymore. I have been so quiet lately - not talking much to anyone...........maybe it's the new meds, maybe not. I didn't think it was possible to withdraw more, but I've surprised myself.

We discussed how me being gone is going to stress me out and that I will want to SI..........he is, once again, making himself available to me if I need him. I know I will.........every day I pray that I keep my promise to him, but there are times when it is sorely tested. I just don't do being alone very well and trying to hold everything together at a new job.

Maybe it is PMS , but keeping it together and acting fine is getting harder to do.

I'll be thinking of all of you, and keep you updated.........thanks everybody.

xoxoxoxo

Mary Alice