I don't know you, really, as I'm new here, but I have to say I was genuinely concerned about your well-being after reading some of your recent threads.
Anyway, maybe the fact that someone who's basically a stranger to you cares so much about your well-being might give you some small comfort.
I know about holding on minute to minute...the thing is, you can do it. You really can...you just have to keep at it.
About your username, I thought maybe this type of message board allowed for users to change their names themselves...though maybe they've disabled that setting.