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(((((ncguynva))))) having been a military wife with bipolar, I can really relate to your situation. It’s like being up to bat with two strikes against you. You really do have to play it by ear, I know that three weeks you get to spend with her will not be an accurate representation of what the rest of your life will be together, it’s another honeymoon. Hopefully it will be enough to rekindle the love you had when you married and carry you through your next separation.
I remember vividly seeing my husband after we’d been separated for 8 months. We were like strangers, I did not remember what it was like before he left. And although I loved him, sex was a bit uncomfortable because he was a stranger to me. Keep in mind that I met this man when he was around 10, we KNEW each other before we got married. And even though we wrote letters to each other faithfully every day and talked on the phone (this is before the internet was even thought of) several times a week, he was still a stranger to me when he came home. He did not feel the same way, to him it was like he’d never left.
There really is no way for you to eliminate the factors that will contribute to the demise of your relationship. The only thing that you can do is work on your issues so you don’t bring them back to the marital table. She must do the same. Marriage is difficult under the best of circumstances, a military marriage doubly so; and if you’re very young you can double it again. You just have to be determined to make it work.
I’ve given up on my marriage a couple of times. My husband never has. When we hit those rough patches he allowed me time to work out my issues without crowding me nor abandoning me. In December we hit 23 years of marriage.
I would also advise waiting a bit before starting that family. Children will increase the stress in your marriage 10 fold. Especially when you can be ordered TDY at any second without notice! I knew what I was getting into marrying someone in the military, my father was a military man. I thought I was prepared, but I was wrong. Our second child was born in Japan. It was a difficult pregnancy and delivery. My husband was ordered TDY two days after my daughter came home from the hospital with less than 24 hours notice. I can’t tell you how many times I thought “If I’m going to raise these kids on my own, I’m going to be on my own!”
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I've been married for 24 years and have four wonderful children.
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