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Originally Posted by musikcrazy
Well, I feel guilty complaining b/c I was so down for so long, now I am staying up till 2 and 3 unless I take at least two Ativan and a Benadryl and I feel like I can't stop myself from just going crazy!!!!!!! 
My pdoc started me on Lamictal three weeks ago at 25 mg, then to 50 a week ago plus Geodon (60mg) now for a week and one day. The geodon felt like a wonderful switch was turned on and I finalll got out of the depression I was in, but now I feel a almost manic (or maybe just manic!lol!) I don't want to tell the doc b/c I am afriad of being depressed again and I am SO productive right now!!!! I LOVE that part of it!!!! But about two hours before I take the meds I turn into the ***** from hell! I am trying to kick Ativan and I am failing miserably!!!!!!!!!! HELP!!!!!!!!! |
Personally, I don't like mania. Depression is almost better. Hypomania seems fun, but after that mania starts moving into psychotic territory- no fun seeing things and hearing things- and also disassociation, which, again, can SEEM "fun" because its unusual and there is a sense of non-responsibility. I remember swingning wildly with music, zipping along on my bike, singing high notes with glee... but at some point, its mania. The back of my mind might tell me so- sometimes, anyway. I am on ativan, too. My issue right now is depression, but when manic, I would stay up and write incoherent emails - and then of course days later wish I hadn't sent them. I remember driving home thinking "aha! I've figured out the meaning of my whole life! Why didn't I see it before??" and then it dawned on me later....
I doubt you're failing miserably. I say call your pdoc and see what they say. They may just adjust a dose or two. Never know. Meanwhile. stay home and keep yourself safe. That's what I have to do- I lock myself in my room alone with books, tv, and internet until it passes. (Well except the email part!)