I had a crush on my grade nine teacher. He gave me lots of attention and made me feel special. i guess I wasn't used to getting so much attention. He said I looked like Nicole Kidman, and this made me feel extra special. I don't think I had a very good father figure growing up. I became really shy around him...I wouldn't say hi to him in the halls...and I think he was offended by this. I day dreamed about him and he made me feel good about myself. when I ve was in highschool I was the quiet good kid. No one ever really knew that I was hurt inside and I wouldn't let anyone know. I wanted people to respect me and htink of me as a good kid...no one knew I was lonely or that I didn't have needs met. I didn't know how to get my needs across. In grade eleven I was struggling at home. I was always yelling at my mom...and because we didn't have two cars...I was always stuck at home in the country. I coudln't get out anywhere unless a friend could drive me. I was shy around guys and I felt like I was missing out on a lot. I just wanted someone to love me and make me feel special and let me know that I was worth something. I got good grades in school but that wasn't enough. I emailed my teacher...I can't even remember what I wrote...but I was depressed...I wrote him two times...I was in math class. He came to my math class and took me to his classroom. I know it sounds weird...but I really needed that...I wanted to just talk about my problems and have someone pay attention to them. I didn't want to be blamed for my depression any longer. He talked to me...he said I had change a lot since grade nine and that he hardly knew me. this killed me inside. I wanted to be known and feel close to someone...since then I've been pretty much broken. Until I met my bf who makes me feel special and worht something. I am happy with him now...but I always dawn back on my teacher and it kills me...I feel less beautiful and less attractive...I don't even want to try sometimes...because I'm like whats the point...the man I thought who cared about me...it turned out he didn't...I've never had any close friends or relatives...I can't get my teacher out of my head...