Quote: Just curious. Is it one reason, 2, several, maybe you don't even know why? For me, it seems that life's events keep throwing me off the cliff. Sometimes it happens for no apparent reason and that's more frustrating to not know why. I, at least need to have a reason.

For me AG, I think my depression has alot to do with me, my inner me. I seemed to have breezed by in life not ever getting to know myself, know my own interests, to know my likes, my dislikes. It seems that one day it hit me. I dont like me. But why? It is because I dont know me. Not at all.
I wonder about this revelation if it is too late now to get to know me. It's like started a relationship, a long term relationship. With myself. Very scary, new, different and extremely difficult. I beleive this is because I am so judgmental of myself that I only see the negative. Thus, hating myself and everything about me. This I beleive is one big source of mt depression.

Quote:I don't think my depression is leaving me anytime soon.

I dont believe my depression will leave me anytime soo either. I have so much work to do on myself. It would be too easy to give up now. It's like putting a puzzle together or reading a good book. Your just not satisfied it until you have completed it. You can look at this in a negative manner or take the more difficult approach and look at it in a positive manner. Its about inner strength. And having the will and determination to overcome. I'm not saying it is easy by any means. I just think its easier to stay idle in a depression rather then attempt to bring yourself out of it.

Quote: In addition to my Mom, I'm lonely, *really* lonely. I don't have a man in my life. I want one. I want to be loved. I can't seem to let that idea go.

I think companionship is very, very important. But I get confused. Kind of a gray area for me. How can one be in a relationship, which the ultimate goal is to share love, compassion, interests, likes, dislikes, etc, when your depression is so great that it seems to monoplize your life? How can the other party in the relationship get what they deserve out of the relationship if the other can not give all of themself. Ya know? How is that fair? I dunno. I dont even know if any of this makes any sense.

Quote: I just get so tired of not being loved the way I want and need to be loved. How do I accept a life without that?

I dont think that you need to accept that. I think this related to question # 1. Learning to love yourself, like your self is most important. Once that is acheived, love will find you. You will be more open and apt to starting a life long relationship that starts out with happiness.
In the meantime, I think that dating, hanging out and stuff is a good idea. Gets you out and active. Gets your mind off things and lets you release tension all the while bringing you joy.

Quote:
I'm too broken and so is my heart,
forever broken,
forever alone,
forever lonely,
forever unloved,
forever depressed,
forever without any hope

Your heart will mend. In time. I know it.

You are not forever broken (we will help)

You are not forever alone. (you got us)

You ar not unloved. (we love you)

Depression bad now. Will not last forever. Your strong AG, I know you are. You have got something in you that is a spark. You dont want to give up you want to be happy. I know this. I know this because you have so much love to give. You have not only been there for me but countless others here and have helped them through some very difficult situations. Your a caring, kind, gentle soul.

I will end this post here. I feel like I am rambling on and not making much sense at all. If this post is confusing, I am sorry.
Your cared about angelgirl. So much so that I cant begin to explain. Dear friend, take care of yourself. Your so worth it.